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What Drives What?

Does your attitude drive your behavior, or does your behavior drive your attitude?

What do you think and why?

[pause and keep your answer in your head]

How often would you work out if you waited until you wanted to? How many times would you practice your instrument, do your homework, or call your family member?

BUT, what happens when you do?  

  • How do you feel?
  • What is the impact or benefit to you or to others?
  • What happens to your attitude?

You don’t want to ride, but then you rip off 25 miles at a personal best. You don’t want to make that call, but you return with the sale. You don’t want to engage that person because it will involve conflict, but you return with your friendship restored and even stronger.

There is no way I would have ridden hundreds of miles or run tens of miles over the last few months if I had waited for my attitude to scream, “I really want to go run at 6 a.m. this morning!” So, what gets in the way? All too often, it’s my . . .

. . . Excuses!

I’m too tired, It’s too early. It’s too much of a hassle. I’d rather sleep. I’m not logging as many miles as my friend, so why bother? It’s still not causing my old-man gut to go away. It’s just not worth it (said inside my head with exasperation).

That is only about exercise. What about the really important stuff, like spending time with God in scripture and prayer. What excuses pile on then?

I am way too tired. I am WAY too busy. God doesn’t care anyway. I am worthless and broken, God can’t fix me. It is too hard. I need to do the laundry. Really, I want to do the laundry, clean the fridge, and move boxes in the garage. I need to look at crucial YouTube videos for two hours. A little porn right now might take my mind off of it. 

If you are feeling encouraged in any way that DECIDING to do what you may not want to can benefit and bless you or others, what might happen if in that moment, you decided to set your phone and other distractions aside? What if instead you spent 5, 10, or maybe even 20 minutes with God? How do you think that might impact your day?

Now let’s go deeper. What are your personal struggles that you want no one to know? What if in the moment when your attitude really wants to engage in that thing, instead you ask God for the strength to decide well? What if you set aside your excuses and chose to obey, even if just for that instant?  What might that do for you?

How many of us cuddle up to our excuses? How many of us will instead ask God for the strength, if even for that moment, to decide, well? What might that do for you? What might that do for your attitude?

HOW does one do this? We’ll have another post on that later.

That you will allow your behavior and decisions to elevate your attitude to a level that blesses and inspires you.

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GRRRRRRRRRRR!

Life right now life is all unicorns and rainbows.  You can sense this overwhelming peace and level of unbridled joy just wandering through social media, enjoying the news, or hanging out at family functions talking politics.

If that weren’t enough, how many of us have this simmering just below the surface? How many can erupt in a nanosecond? How many present a happy face while our “head trash,” you know, that internal speak, is raging?

  • Did you see how that idiot is driving?
  • Incredible how that mother treats her child.
  • Can you believe how that culture lives?
  • People who don’t believe everything I believe are just downright evil.

[I can’t keep writing this stuff. It is making ME tense.]

“. . . I have come that you may have life to the full.”

What is that? Is it even possible? Even if the world were better, I would still feel internal bitterness, or even anger. Truth be told, some days I don’t really like myself.  Frankly, some days, I get so mad at myself.  You talked about head trash, well I say it out loud. “I am an idiot.” “I am ugly.” “I am such a fool.” “I am a pervert.” “I am . . ..”  These words just wash me in negativity, but I don’t know what to do.

“The thief comes to kill, steal, and destroy,” and it is a liar at its core.

What if the reasons you feel less about yourself could be exposed? What if the lies that have been shot at you like heart-piercing arrows could be identified? What if the tragic impact of these assaults could be healed? What if you could be set on a path where you could not only like yourself, but love yourself as who you are in Christ. What if you could kill the head trash? What if you quit saying the negative words about yourself because they were no longer true? What if you could experience peace and joy, even if the world is still full of craziness?  What if there was hope?

This is not a magic bullet, but there is a journey towards healing that can change the trajectory from crushing to hope. If you start and then genuinely give God permission to father you in a way you’ve maybe never known before, maybe majestic things could happen. Maybe the stories of others could become your story.  Just maybe.

This is why I Am Done exists. We welcome you to learn more.

 

 

 

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Daisy

Tenderness

That word itself deserves a moment of silence.

It is sad yet beautiful when things you never thought could teach you life lessons, do.

Her name was Daisy, and she walked alongside us through a very difficult season. We half-jokingly called her our therapy dog.

Our marriage was being tested — we learned how dreadful it was to wound the one you love. My wife and I would just hold each other, whispering that we liked each other. We learned that “like” can sometimes be more powerful than love?

Then one day, as I inwardly raged in self-disappointment, I lashed out at Daisy.  A beautiful black lab, she cowered and looked at me, asking, “Why are you treating me this way? I just want to love you.”

I had to choose: justify my rage, or invite wisdom and love.  I sat down and gently held her. In that moment, I chose tenderness.

I’d like to say something like “I just wept,” but that would be a lie. I did realize how hard my heart had been for too my years, so I decided to ask God to help me to be tender.

In future moments, when it would have been easy to be angry, I invoked a very complicated prayer,

“Father, please come into this moment. Thank you.”

That evolved into the much more complex,

“Please come. Please come. Please come.”

I wish I’d had that encounter with Daisy when I was 12. It would have saved so many others, especially my family.

Tenderness, kindness, gentleness, meekness. Think I’ll need the fullness of the Holy Spirit and the grace of our Lord to make the right decision in each moment.

Are you in?

PS. That photo is me with Daisy on her last day. We did the immensely hard thing as she was suffering from rampant cancer. Daisy, we love you. You taught us so much.